I’m Zach Billings and I am the Subaru STi Douchebag. “What is the STi Douchebag,” you ask? It’s me. I’m the guy that owns an STi and can drive it like an extension of himself. I know my car is the best overall car on the road. Everyone else knows it too. They’re all just jealous that they don’t have one, can’t afford one, or couldn’t possibly drive one well enough.
When I get behind the wheel, I like knowing that no matter what pulls up next to me, be it Civic Si or Maserati Gran Turismo S, it will not beat me down a back road or to the quarter mile mark. My Subaru STi is faster, more controlled, more usable, and more practical than any other car in its entirety.
STi drivers are precise people with precision timing both behind the wheel and in life. When I set out in my STi, I can pick a time to arrive at my destination, and almost as if I was the god of all things on wheels, I will be there at that time. Come Prius, Civic, or Ford Escort, nothing slows an STi.
As the STi Douchebag, I’m largely defined by the view of the people around me. Whether or not I really believe I’m all that, the people who interact with me “know” in their minds that that’s what I think. I am defined by the perception of my STi-loving persona. A perception that feeds and inflates my honest belief in my car further and further every day.
Those who drive an STi know they and their fellow Subie enthusiasts are not douchebags. We know that it’s simply the best car that can be purchased for the money and that no one else can rise to our plane of car-ownership-existence without owning one. What everyone else thinks is irrelevant. You either own an STi and you’re right, or your don’t and you’re wrong. Fact.